Back

How to Talk to Your Partner about Their Spending

If you’re a saver and your partner is a spender, you’ve probably had a few arguments about money. It may surprise you to know that money issues are one of the most common reasons couples split up. Everything from spending habits to financial goals can cause conflict if you’re not on the same page.

But talking about it can be uncomfortable. Nevertheless, talking about it openly and honestly is the only way to align your goals and reduce your arguments.

Before deciding to talk to your partner about their spending, there are a few things to consider:

Money Personality

Their money personality may be different from yours and understanding how they think will help you communicate better. Your money habits may be different due to your upbringing, how your parents spent money and how they taught you to spend or save. Recognize that your partner may have triggers that cause them to spend more at certain times than others. Things like stress, anxiety, and depression can trigger spending in an effort to feel better.

Regardless of the reason, understand that just like your other personality traits, your money personalities are different too and you need to accept your partner for who they are.

Be Open-Minded

Go into the discussion with an open mind and a willingness to find a compromise that works for both of you. If only one of you is making a sacrifice, resentment will start to build. Discuss what your goals are as a couple so that you can plan together how to reach them. If you’re both committed to the goals, getting on board with the same spending and saving habits will be easier. When you’re ready to open the discussion, here are a few ways to make it easier:

Recognize Emotions

Discussing money issues can be emotional, so be gentle and avoid blame. Pointing the finger at your partner for their bad spending habits will only make them defensive and cause a heated argument.

Timing

Timing is everything. Trying to talk to your partner about their spending when they’re feeling down or upset about something else will make them close off from you. Choose a time and place that you’re both feeling good, relaxed, and open to discussion. Keep the conversation light and on point. Don’t ambush your partner at the end of a long day by saying “we need to talk.” That will cause them to lose interest for sure.

Listen

Don’t lecture. Instead, have an honest conversation back and forth about the problem at-hand and how to resolve it. Laying blame at your partner’s feet will make them defensive, and they’ll stop talking. Make them feel heard and work together to find a compromise that makes both of you happy.

Make an Appointment

Schedule regular discussions about your money situation, including debts, savings, and goals to help you stay on the same page. Routinely planning a nonconfrontational money discussion will help reduce the stress around talking about it, reducing your arguments.

Get Help

If you feel like you still can’t communicate and compromise, work with a neutral third-party to help you understand each other’s emotions about the situation and find a solution that you can both be happy with.

Whatever you do, don’t ignore the topic. Talking to your partner about their spending habits may be difficult and uncomfortable, but not talking will only build resentment and anger. Work together and find a solution to help you both reach your financial goals together.

A woman in her fifties hugging her dog in a park.
Take the Next Step
Make the most of your money and connect with one of MMI's trained and certified debt and budget counselors!
Get Started
  • Better Business Bureau A+ rating Better Business Bureau
    MMI is proud to have achieved an A+ rating from the Better Business Bureau (BBB), a nonprofit organization focused on promoting and improving marketplace trust. The BBB investigates charges of fraud against both consumers and businesses, sets standards for truthfulness in advertising, and evaluates the trustworthiness of businesses and charities, providing a score from A+ (highest) to F (lowest).
  • Financial Counseling Association of America Financial Counseling Association of America
    MMI is a proud member of the Financial Counseling Association of America (FCAA), a national association representing financial counseling companies that provide consumer credit counseling, housing counseling, student loan counseling, bankruptcy counseling, debt management, and various financial education services.
  • Trustpilot Trustpilot
    MMI is rated as “Excellent” (4.9/5) by reviewers on Trustpilot, a global, online consumer review platform dedicated to openness and transparency. Since 2007, Trustpilot has received over 116 million customer reviews for nearly 500,000 different websites and businesses. See what others are saying about the work we do.
  • Department of Housing and Urban Development - Equal Housing Opportunity Department of Housing and Urban Development
    MMI is certified by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) to provide consumer housing counseling. The mission of HUD is to create strong, sustainable, inclusive communities and quality affordable homes for all. HUD provides support services directly and through approved, local agencies like MMI.
  • Council on Accreditation Council On Accreditation
    MMI is proudly accredited by the Council on Accreditation (COA), an international, independent, nonprofit, human service accrediting organization. COA’s thorough, peer-reviewed accreditation process is designed to ensure that organizations like MMI are providing the highest standard of service and support for clients and employees alike.
  • National Foundation for Credit Counseling National Foundation for Credit Counseling
    MMI is a longstanding member of the National Foundation for Credit Counseling® (NFCC®), the nation’s largest nonprofit financial counseling organization. Founded in 1951, the NFCC’s mission is to promote financially responsible behavior and help member organizations like MMI deliver the highest-quality financial education and counseling services.